Steve is just the kind of guy who can't keep his mouth shut. Usually. It was actually difficult, before the disaster in Siberia, to not talk to Tony about his suspicions with respect to his parents' death. Even now, he's not sure how the waters got muddied there, except that anything related to Bucky hits so close to Steve's emotional center, and his guilt complex. There would never have been a Winter Soldier if he had finished the job he meant to, and destroyed Hydra. There would never have been a Winter Soldier if he hadn't failed to keep his friend from falling out of that train.
Where he's capable of being the strong silent type is where it comes to his own emotional state. It's easier to be guarded about his own mental wounds. It's impossible not to be.
He opens the med kit and gets out antibacterial wash, dripping it carefully into the gash. "Theoretically," he corrects Tony quietly. "It ain't like either of us has ever time traveled before, except for forward the hard way. It may not work how you expect it to. And I don't even know what to expect. I think we better face the idea that we may have to do this more than once before we figure out where the crucial changes have to be made. Assuming we can manage it more than once."
He packs gauze over his hip and tears a piece of medical tape with his teeth, quiet for a long moment while he considers Tony's next words. Swallowing with a click in the back of his throat, he doesn't look up again to respond.
"I've spent a lot of time asking myself what I would do differently if I had the chance. I was never going to sign the Accords. I can't. And I was never gonna turn my back on Bucky. But I really, really fucked up with you, on a bunch of levels. I promised if this came--when it came--we'd face it together, and I broke that promise. And I don't know if it can be un-broken, but..."
The strain in his voice is audible. "But if you're going to offer the opportunity to try, I can't say no to that. Not unless it would ruin everything else we're trying to do."
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Date: 2018-06-08 05:44 pm (UTC)Where he's capable of being the strong silent type is where it comes to his own emotional state. It's easier to be guarded about his own mental wounds. It's impossible not to be.
He opens the med kit and gets out antibacterial wash, dripping it carefully into the gash. "Theoretically," he corrects Tony quietly. "It ain't like either of us has ever time traveled before, except for forward the hard way. It may not work how you expect it to. And I don't even know what to expect. I think we better face the idea that we may have to do this more than once before we figure out where the crucial changes have to be made. Assuming we can manage it more than once."
He packs gauze over his hip and tears a piece of medical tape with his teeth, quiet for a long moment while he considers Tony's next words. Swallowing with a click in the back of his throat, he doesn't look up again to respond.
"I've spent a lot of time asking myself what I would do differently if I had the chance. I was never going to sign the Accords. I can't. And I was never gonna turn my back on Bucky. But I really, really fucked up with you, on a bunch of levels. I promised if this came--when it came--we'd face it together, and I broke that promise. And I don't know if it can be un-broken, but..."
The strain in his voice is audible. "But if you're going to offer the opportunity to try, I can't say no to that. Not unless it would ruin everything else we're trying to do."