The 'and' is ridiculously complicated. Steve isn't even sure how to vocalize it, and he hates thinking about it, because taken to an extreme it tarnishes everything he and the people he admires most have done.
But Tony is literally the only thing he has left right now. Maybe they'll rebuild later, pick an era and find friends, or even fight alongside their alternate selves somehow, if they're needed. If they're asked. Still, Steve knows a lifeline when he sees one, and if Tony's a tenuous lifeline, at least he's one that needs Steve just as much as Steve needs him.
So. Complete honesty.
"Science scares me, Tony. It didn't when I was younger and didn't really get much of it, but I've seen a lot more now. There's more to see than there used to be. It's not that I'm a Luddite or a technophobe, honestly, but--look. The Tesseract should have been left alone. The Midnight Oil was a nightmare; I don't know how anyone thought it would be a good idea to create, even if Howard had the best of intentions. After I vanished, after the war, I hear there was some kind of scramble over a vial of my blood. My blood."
The expression on his face is a blend of horror and disgust and guilt. "And really, if you strip Project Rebirth of the propaganda, it's about shooting a disabled man full of chemicals and radiation and coming up with a soldier. What kind of soldier? If they had made as many of me as they thought they could have, how would society have dealt with that? Would they have celebrated it or would we have been second-class beings only fit for cannon fodder? No one cared about shell-shocked soldiers after the first World War. What in god's name do you do with a bunch of traumatized war vets that can level a fuckin' building if they have a panic attack?"
"I'd love to believe Erskine had a plan, but I...can't. I want to believe he was a good man who just missed some of the ramifications of his actions. I want to believe that of Howard, too, but he did a lot of work without considering the consequences fully. He left a lot of messes in his wake."
He's not saying so, but that's probably why the Ultron incident upset him as much as it did. But this isn't about Tony. He's not completely his father's son. Steve has faith in his intentions in a way he never did with Howard.
"And I never got to ask Peggy. I never will. I know her intentions were good, but maybe she missed some things she should have caught, too." He actually whispers this, like saying anything negative about Peggy is borderline blasphemy. To Steve, it kind of is. It's easy to idealize the one that got away.
"It was a lot to take in, those first few months. I felt like there was shrapnel everywhere, and I was stuck cleaning up other peoples' messes. And then you came in eight different kinds of flashy and cool and beautiful and brilliant, when all the good soldiers I'd ever known were dead. I couldn't handle it. I shouldn't have said half of what I did, but--well. I guess we're mostly past that now, aren't we?"
((Referencing some of the plot from the Agent Carter TV show, although I've only seen a few episodes. Feel free to improvise whatever details you want to there.))
no subject
But Tony is literally the only thing he has left right now. Maybe they'll rebuild later, pick an era and find friends, or even fight alongside their alternate selves somehow, if they're needed. If they're asked. Still, Steve knows a lifeline when he sees one, and if Tony's a tenuous lifeline, at least he's one that needs Steve just as much as Steve needs him.
So. Complete honesty.
"Science scares me, Tony. It didn't when I was younger and didn't really get much of it, but I've seen a lot more now. There's more to see than there used to be. It's not that I'm a Luddite or a technophobe, honestly, but--look. The Tesseract should have been left alone. The Midnight Oil was a nightmare; I don't know how anyone thought it would be a good idea to create, even if Howard had the best of intentions. After I vanished, after the war, I hear there was some kind of scramble over a vial of my blood. My blood."
The expression on his face is a blend of horror and disgust and guilt. "And really, if you strip Project Rebirth of the propaganda, it's about shooting a disabled man full of chemicals and radiation and coming up with a soldier. What kind of soldier? If they had made as many of me as they thought they could have, how would society have dealt with that? Would they have celebrated it or would we have been second-class beings only fit for cannon fodder? No one cared about shell-shocked soldiers after the first World War. What in god's name do you do with a bunch of traumatized war vets that can level a fuckin' building if they have a panic attack?"
"I'd love to believe Erskine had a plan, but I...can't. I want to believe he was a good man who just missed some of the ramifications of his actions. I want to believe that of Howard, too, but he did a lot of work without considering the consequences fully. He left a lot of messes in his wake."
He's not saying so, but that's probably why the Ultron incident upset him as much as it did. But this isn't about Tony. He's not completely his father's son. Steve has faith in his intentions in a way he never did with Howard.
"And I never got to ask Peggy. I never will. I know her intentions were good, but maybe she missed some things she should have caught, too." He actually whispers this, like saying anything negative about Peggy is borderline blasphemy. To Steve, it kind of is. It's easy to idealize the one that got away.
"It was a lot to take in, those first few months. I felt like there was shrapnel everywhere, and I was stuck cleaning up other peoples' messes. And then you came in eight different kinds of flashy and cool and beautiful and brilliant, when all the good soldiers I'd ever known were dead. I couldn't handle it. I shouldn't have said half of what I did, but--well. I guess we're mostly past that now, aren't we?"
((Referencing some of the plot from the Agent Carter TV show, although I've only seen a few episodes. Feel free to improvise whatever details you want to there.))